Lights Out

I've noticed that I'm the worst version of myself when I'm sleep deprived. I speak words more sharply, make decisions that aren't the best, and to be honest, am less pleasant to be around. Sleep is much needed these days in order for me to be physically, mentally, and emotionally well -- and I'm seriously lacking in sleep. I'm less patient and more tearful.

But, even though I wake up every night, tired, making my way to the bassinet, walk back to the bed and feed Caleb while Mike gets to stay asleep (or at least try), I'm still thankful for everything God has blessed us with.

Love,
Tiare

3 WEEKS OLD!! How is motherhood going?

Caleb is three weeks old, as of yesterday! How on earth has time flown by that fast!? I feel like he is such a big boy now -- and getting bigger everyday! 

I can hardly believe it's been three weeks since I was walking around with my big baby belly!

Maybe because I've been keeping busy and staying up all night, hoping for a shower, busy feeding and catering to our precious little buddy!

I look forward to seeing what happens in the next few weeks and when he starts sleeping longer at night. Hopefully! He's unpredictable, but sort of predictable at the same time... I can count on him eating every 2-3 hours during the day, sleeping anywhere from 3-4 hours at night, napping all day, and being super cute all the time!

Breastfeeding didn't work out. It started off being really good, then got painful. It wasn't comfortable at all, but when I got the hang of it... he just wasn't satisfied. I would feed him for about 30 minutes and he would still be hungry, so I would feed him some more, and the next thing I knew I was nursing him for an hour... and he would still be looking for milk afterwards. It was hard not knowing if he was getting enough milk, I wasn't sure, so I just chalked it up as a loss and now we're formula feeding him. I had a breakdown about it, crying as I was making a bottle for him, he and I were both crying at the same time. Mike heard me crying and came to comfort me, and Caleb calmed down as well. It's hard, it was so important to me as a mother to breastfeed, and I kind of feel like I failed in a way. Mike assured me that there's lots of other ways I can be a great mother and that it wasn't the end of the world.

I'm surprised how you can forget to eat sometimes, as a new mother! Also, there's not enough hours in the day to do everything. I can't shower whenever I want to. It's the best feeling in the world when I finally do get to shower! I can't cook whenever I want, I can't clean whenever I want, I can't even write in my blog whenever I want. Even when Caleb is napping, I just don't even feel like doing anything but napping too. It's hard taking care of him at night because Mike has to wake up early in the morning for work, then take care of him all day while Mike is at work. Even when Mike comes home, he's so tired, he takes a nap, so I'm still taking care of Caleb even then. I suppose it's okay though, since I don't work. 

Gosh, he's soooo cute!!

I would love to get back into the gym, but I have a feeling it's going to be a bit harder than expected. I don't want to take him to the daycare at the gym. (I just don't trust it! Plus I've heard that other parents' kids get sick from other sick kids!) So right now we're just walking when we can. We just started yesterday and we plan on going later on today. I'm trying to make walking a priority everyday, if the weather calls for it. When I'm comfortable enough for weight training, I'll leave him with Mike after he comes home from work and I'll hit the gym. I can already see how 'me time' is going to be awesome.

When he cries, I try to remain calm. Most of the time his crying just means he is ready to eat, or a light cry means he wants to take a nap. I'm definitely still trying to learn his cries, but his hunger cry is definitely "neh" like I learned from the Dunsten Baby Language!

I can't even begin to describe the intense protection and love I feel for Caleb. And the kissing is nonstop!

Love,

Tiare

Caleb's First Video!

Here's his first video...

Huge love,

Tiare