Before and After!!!

BEFORE: 4 days before baby. AFTER: 2 weeks after baby.

Bump is gone. And a little pooch is in its place! I'm wearing a belly band, so I actually look flatter than what I really am. It is amazing how much your belly can grow and stretch to hold a baby... and then it shrinks back. I know it will take a while before all my poor muscles that were stretched out to go back! 

But I am very amazed how flatter I look already. I don't feel flatter though, it just looks that way.. ha ha. 

It was so weird when I took my first shower after I had Caleb... and I looked down at my belly and Caleb wasn't inside anymore. My stomach was a complete mush of skin.

But I was more excited and happy to be able to hold him in my arms. So amazing to know that his precious self was forming inside of me. His little heartbeat, his hair growing, his personality forming... just simply amazing.

Anyway, I gained 22 pounds throughout my pregnancy. As of yesterday, I am 8 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight. I definitely want to get my body in a shape that I feel great in, mostly just toning it... not really losing any more. Next week I'm gonna start off by walking with Caleb, taking it slow at first. My body is being pushed to the limits already with getting so little sleep, so I don't want to add anything stressful that would make it harder to enjoy being a mom.

How else am I feeling physically?

Well healing down there is better. I haven't been brave enough to look with a mirror, and I'm scared to feel if the stitches have dissolved. I feel well enough to go out on walks though. After a week or so of waddling around after giving birth, I can walk normally again. 

I'm just glad to feel normal again. I still can't believe that Caleb was growing inside of me all that time, and now he's here. But I sure am glad he's here :)

Wanting to get fit,

Tiare

He's here!!! (Caleb's Birth Story)

It all began on Tuesday morning, January 15, 2013 (around 12am) when I was trying to go to sleep and felt my first contraction. Followed by a second one. Since I was on high risk for preterm labor, I figured I should keep track and time them ...just in case. 

The first hour, they were 9 minutes apart. The second hour, 7 minutes apart. The next 30 minutes, 5 minutes apart. I knew I was clearly in labor. 

I was 36 weeks and 4 days pregnant. My due date wasn't until another 3 weeks.

With nerves racing, I got out of bed and Mike helped me get dressed. "We're going to have Caleb today!" I thought. With each contraction, I just wanted to lean over or sit down, or something other than stand. Nothing really helped ease the contractions. I felt like I wanted to push already!

The contractions were getting stronger and stronger. They felt like ocean waves going through me or something, and they were painful. I was so uncomfortable. 

Mike and I left the house around 3am and went to the hospital to have Caleb! Sitting in the passenger seat trying to be patient with all the contractions wasn't easy. The contractions were now 3 minutes apart.

We got to the hospital around 3:30am. I couldn't believe we were walking into the hospital knowing we were about to have Caleb. I also couldn't believe I was walking with the kind of intensity that was coming at me! I just really wanted to get going and stop these contractions, and my thoughts were 'I just wanna push already! At the Emergency Room, I was put on the monitors and contractions were still about 3 minutes apart. The ER nurse checked to see how dilated I was and she checked while I was in the middle of a contraction. I wanted to kick her in her fucking face! She said, "I don't even feel a cervix, just a bag of water." Her check revealed that I was already 10cm dilated, 100% effaced and +1 station. (And 2 weeks before I was already 1cm dilated, but not sure about the other details). All that progress in only 3 hours. From this point on, all I could focus on was breathing through the contractions. The ER nurse said it was time to go in to Labor and Delivery. I thought, 'no shit, dumb bitch!' She went ahead and called my doctor to let him know.

I was carted over to our room and they put in an IV. Our doctor, Dr. Villegas, arrived shortly after. The contractions started to take over my whole body. It was like there was a really, really strong magnet inside. Every time a contraction would start, someone was trying to pull the magnet from me with another on the outside. 

It was now around 4am and the contractions were more intense than ever. My doctor asked if I wanted them to break my water and start pushing or wait to try and get an epidural.

I responded with "JUST BREAK THE WATER!" 

I wasn't planning on getting an epidural anyway. I wanted to do it all natural.

He broke my water, and I felt relieved. Then another contraction came and the pressure was on another level. 

It was go-time.

I started pushing at 4:11am. Apparently he was coming down very fast. Everyone told me I was an excellent pusher and to just keep doing what I was doing. But I felt like I wasn't getting anywhere. And the nurse was counting so damn slow, I wanted her to count faster as I pushed.. lol.

After just several minutes of pushing, everyone was cheering me on. "He's almost here." "He has a lot of hair." "Give it that last big push." I asked Mike if he saw the head yet and he said, "Yeah, he's right there baby, you're doing such a good job."

With another big push, everyone said, "His head is out, try to hold him there!" I don't remember saying this, but Mike told me that I said, "I can't hold it, I wanna push. I'm gonna push, fuck it, I'm pushing." After 15 minutes of pushing, it was 4:26am, January 15, 2013 when Caleb arrived! He shares a birthday with the great Martin Luther King Jr.! He's destined for greatness, lol.

The nurse said I did such a good job, she wishes all her deliveries were that easy and fast. She told me I should teach a labor and delivery class, lmao. Although it felt like I was pushing for what seemed forever, she told me I only pushed 6 times. 

Mike and I couldn't believe he was here.

I had a second degree tear, so my doctor stitched me up. It was over quickly though and I had Mike to keep me distracted.

The nurse weighed Caleb. He was 6 pounds 5 ounces. 18 inches long. She also gave him his first bath and he spent a little time under the warmer while he got his vitamin K shot. His Apgar scores were 9 and 9. Mike took pictures.

They brought him back to us and the nurse said I was able to start nursing him right then. I had some help latching him on and then he just started sucking. He nursed on both sides for about 15 minutes each. The room was much calmer now, and I passed Caleb off to Mike for him to hold. 

Mike had to leave for a while to sign his paternity leave papers, so I said goodbye and I was left alone with Caleb for a while.  

When he came back, we moved to our postpartum room and got settled.

As intense as my birth was, even minutes after he was born I was thinking it wasn't so bad. My labor wasn't long at all. It was only 4 hours ;) I'm just so glad that Mike was there with me. If he wasn't, I would have been so scared. We're a team. He was there to remind me that I was okay and that I was strong enough to get through it. He was my physical comfort, knowing that he was right near me through everything. 

So would I go drug free again? I don't know. Maybe. My number one goal for going drug-free was just to experience what women have gone through for ages. That goal has now been achieved. I had Jr. all natural too, but he was only 23 weeks gestation. The contractions weren't as intense, and he was so tiny that I didn't even have to push for him to come out. The good news is that I don't have to worry about a next pregnancy for a while. But I am so thankful for this experience, as intense as it was.

Love,

Tiare

10 Things

5 Things I Am Excited About

1) Breastfeeding. I really hope things work out for me with nursing (I know they don't always) because ever since even before I even thought about getting pregnant, I have been wanting to breastfeed. I know it might hurt and I know it won't be easy, but if it does go well, just the thought of going through this experience makes me already feel a bond.

2) Baby-wearing. Like breastfeeding, I just can't wait to hold Caleb against my body. I want a carrier. Thinking of having him tucked on me with free hands sounds like a great concept - at least when he's little! 

3) Looking at him. And him looking at me! And more specifically, finding out who he looks like! Well actually, we know he looks like Mike.. but we don't know what his hair is like! Or his eyes! How will he change as he gets older? What will his personality be like? I can't wait to find out!

4) Playing with dad. It seems like Mike gets a little more excited with each day that passes. I can't wait to see him play with Caleb. They always say that moms becomes moms the moment she finds out she's pregnant, but dads don't become dads until the baby is born, and I'm eager to see what it's like to have him hold Caleb in his arms.

5) Baby gear. Swing, swaddle blankets, clothes, etc. Baby stuff is so cute! I think I'll be obsessed with buying stuff for Caleb. 

5 Things I Am Nervous About

1) The lifestyle adjustment. Whenever I've hung out with a baby or babysat, I had a lot of fun, but I have to admit I'm relieved when the parents are home again and I can just give the baby back. From my perspective right now, I think the hardest part of motherhood is that it's never ending. And I imagine that gets exhausting. But I'm also hoping that I will just be so in love with Caleb that maybe I won't mind at all :) As far as things like going out to dinner and hanging with our friends, Mike and I are determined to keep as much of our lifestyle going as possible. Maybe not right away, but certainly when we get in a good routine. I think it just takes a good amount of planning and determination to keep your social life going.

2) That something will go wrong. I tend to worry about things too much. I keep my fears tucked in the back of my mind just to remind myself they're possible, but try to be very optimistic in general. I'm nervous that something will go wrong with labor and delivery or Caleb's health. Nothing is predictable.

3) The messes. I have to admit I'm scared of food, or worse, shit (literally, poop), smeared all over our house. And toys everywhere. And just a sense of chaos at home. I'm mentally prepared for it (I think!) because I know kids are messy. I'm terrified of the day when he throws up in bed in the middle of the night. (throw up is worse than poop if you ask me. I can't stand the smell of vomit, it makes me want to vomit). Things WILL be smeared in nooks and crannies and all over Caleb and me, and I'm sure while I'm nursing, milk will go everywhere too. I'll just have to learn to live with it - and get a good cleaning routine in place!

4) Work. While being a stay at home wife, I've become quite used to it. When we move back to Vegas, I'm going to find a job. I don't really know what will happen when I have to leave Caleb to go to work. I just have no idea what to expect, and the last thing I want is to feel totally overwhelmed with work and learning to be a mom. Nervous.

5) Baby #2. No plans for one yet (we'd like to wait a couple of years) and no certainty we will have another, but I'm already thinking how much harder pregnancy would be with a toddler to chase after! Totally not something I should be worrying about right now, but it's crossed my mind. It's been just us two for so long, two is turning into 3 (4 or 5 if dogs make their way in! Mike wants at least 2 dogs!) quicker than I realize.

Love,

Tiare

36 Weeks

Pregnancy Highlights

How far along: 36 weeks

Total Weight Gain/Loss: +22 pounds

Maternity Clothes: Yep.

Best Moment this Week: His Valentine's Day outfit I ordered came in the mail yesterday!

Gender: Little boy--Caleb Amana Johnson :)

Movement: Lots. 

Food Cravings: Ice Cream & waffle cones

Food aversions: None.

What I Miss: Being able to fit into my clothes!

Sleep: Last night I had trouble sleeping. I couldn't fall asleep, I laid in bed from 10:30pm to 4:30am. I couldn't stop thinking about things! Just random things! When I finally fell asleep, I woke up an hour later at 5:30am & fell back asleep at 8:00am. Then I woke up for the final time this morning at 11:30am -_- So tired!

What I am looking forward to: His arrival in 4 weeks! Or it could be sooner, who knows!?

Love,

Tiare

Day 25: Put your iPod on shuffle, first 10 songs.

1. Taylor Swift - "Back To December"

2. Usher - "Trading Places"

3. Christina Aguilera - "Genie In A Bottle"

4. David Guetta - "I Can Only Imagine"

5. Maroon 5 - "Wake Up Call"

6. Nicki Minaj - "Right By My Side"

7. Bruno Mars - "Marry You"

8. Rihanna - "Lost In Paradise"

9. Jack Johnson - "Better Together"

10. Trey Songz - "Bottoms Up"

Love,

Tiare

Physical Changes

1) It's getting more uncomfortable to bend in half. It doesn't really hurt, but it's an odd feeling and has made me more aware of my bending positions. I've also been getting more amounts of cramping. It feels like menstrual cramps. Also, I've been having more braxton hicks contractions. Not anything painful or long-lasting, but it's uncomfortable.

2) Gone are the days of sleeping soundly. I'm having all these physical things that are keeping me from sleeping well. It's like I want to stretch all my limbs every 5 minutes and can't seem to get comfortable despite the pillows. I have a body pillow, memory foam pillow, regular pillow, and throw pillow. I kind of switch them out throughout the night until I feel better. When I finally fall asleep I sleep through everything, even Mike's 4 somethingAM alarm.

3) Caleb is now supposed to be over 18 inches long and is the size of a honeydew melon. So amazing.

Love,
Tiare

Day 24: Something you've learned.

After years of planning exactly where I would be by now and exactly how I would get there, I have found myself in completely unfamiliar, or actually, unplanned territory, and I couldn't be happier. Despite a little anxiety, I am slowly becoming more and more comfortable in what the unknown will bring. I still have a general idea for how things will (hopefully, potentially) come together, but for now I am enjoying the present!

Bye for now,

Tiare